Memory of Me

Trees-500 Lately, I’ve been immersed in deep thought and have come to many conclusions about my life and my future. Take this personal blog for example, I thoroughly enjoy having it readily available to express myself, but it takes money to keep it alive on the internet, which is acceptable as long as I have cash to pay for it. However, what happens when I die? Who is going to be financially responsible for this colorful website and renew its StevenGoth.com address from GoDaddy.com and pay the hosting fees to Dreamhost.com? Sadly, this blog could disappear forever.

I made the┬ádecision to pay for my personal website because it’s easier to control and easier to be creative with its design and content, but now I’m wondering if all this self-indulgent “Steve” stuff should be posted on a free social media site that might outlast my ability to pay, rather than risk having my random words and pictures, along with the comments written by friends, being exiled into oblivion.

You see, I have no children to carry on and share the memory of me, so everything that I am in this lifetime can only be remembered through my own words and art. That is not a comforting thought for someone who is trying to make sense of his life and leave behind a tiny moment to show the world he was actually there.

Perhaps I am over-thinking again, because in the end (the big super nova explosion end), everything on earth will disappear anyway. Here are my personal websites that will be violently destroyed during the Armageddon; Eyeronics.com, Posterhood.com, Allynsville.com and StevenGoth.com

 


Comments

Memory of Me — 22 Comments

  1. Well, when The Big One happens – my site will disappear too.(I also don’t have any kids, that will carry on my name.) In the meantime, we’ll just continue to create. Steve, I don’t see it as “self-indulgent.” You have something to express, and you want the world to witness it. Or, at least, a few appreciative people!

    • I don’t mind being self-indulgent on my blog because it’s the only place in this world that actually is all about me. Thank you for visiting and commenting, as you know, that makes writing these blog posts worth it.

  2. If it makes you feel good TODAY what you do in sharing yourself. What the heck do you care when you are gone? All those that love and care about you will be gone as well. Hell, I don’t even want anyone to waste their money on a funeral or any silly stuff on me. Once we are gone you KNOW people forget all about you.

    Live……….JUST FOR TODAY

    <3

    • I suppose I shouldn’t care about what happens after I’m gone, Kathy, but when you don’t have children to carry on your DNA or share photos of you with future generations…the here and now feels just a tiny bit empty. However, I’m going to live for today and am meeting Gloria for a scary hike through the middle of nowhere. If we survive the elements, photos and/or video should follow.

      • Having children doesn’t guarantee the DNA/photos will be shared…..I do know that empty feeling. Despite having family and a daughter that doesn’t make me all that important to them. They have their lives and I have mine. Oh sure they will have pictures and my “stuff” (IF I choose to ALLOW them to have it)…but it boils down to “he/she was so talented…..Oh did I tell you the Smiths got a new car?”…….LIVE for yourself because in the end……that is all you have.

  3. You’re welcome, and I also appreciate your comments. It’s nice to be “seen,” even if it’s just by cyber-strangers.

    • It is nice to be seen, just as long as we don’t start asking what the other is wearing in that creepy whisper text. ­čÖé

      • Okay, I’ll tell you what I’m wearing. (Written in a non-nasty way.) It’s finally warming up in Maine, and I’m celebrating with linen pants. That might not sound sexy, but after wearing wool all winter, it feels fab.

  4. Steve, I have one child left, and that child would never care about carrying on a legacy or caring enough to keep anything i do alive I’m sad to say. I’m not sure many people do have that in their children. Honestly you aren’t any worse off than most of us. It’s said to comfort you not to berate you that you are not alone. i think what you do and how you touch us lives on more than you know. Your energy, our experience of you all changes us that care about you. In turn, your personality, art, color, cleverness lives on. And in turn the ripple effects of everything you are and do will live and be passed on for eternity. We never die unless we forget that this moment is all we have. Write on, draw and pain and compose on and fill each moment as full as you can being who you are. I for one know that you have changed my life forever and glad for it. Never second guess your worth. Love you

  5. Steven, I hv no children also, but I have babysat a lot of children, and also my nephews, in the pastm, so i feel like I have a lot of children in this world. It is a wonderful legacy to leave to the world, the legacy of being able to create the beautiful art that you create, Be glad of that! Hugs!

    • I am glad for all the joy in my life….perhaps I should stop worrying about stuff after this life. Hugs back at you!

  6. I think, what and who you are is carried by the people you have touched and loved in life whether they are children or friends or extended family. On my end, I have my child and my grandchildren which you know I love and adore and have wrapped my life around but have been horrible about keeping in touch with friends whom I love dearly and think of often. Luckily for me, I have some really tenacious *ahem* and fabulous friends who keep after me no matter what and I value that greatly but I don’t feel either side is very different. Memories are still memories and are still told with enjoyment even if they aren’t about blood relations. I have had countless conversations with my parents/sisters/friends about precious/funny/sad etc. memories that I sometimes retell even if they aren’t necessarily MY personal memories because they relate to something in my life and I enjoyed those thoughts and memories. Pictures and mementos are the same way. You know I lost a lot of my stuff a while back but happily I was surprised by you and many others who still had pictures, letters etc from years past.

    Here is another way to think about it: You have spoken to my daughter, she knows much of our mutual past and she has brought stuff up in conversations with others. You are precious to me which makes you special to her *smile*.

    *HUGS*

    Monique

    • Thank you Monique. I’m very happy that I kept those memories of us as kids, I saved them mostly to blackmail you later on, but the audio recordings were not nearly as incriminating as I believed them to be at 15yrs old. I still love you with all my heart.

  7. Interesting thought process. Your blog is so beautiful, you write well and come up with creative ideas – it does make sense to at least mirror it elsewhere. I look forward to your decision and the reasons you make it.

    • Thank you Liz. I try and make things on this site visually interesting because my artistic nature cannot settle for only words.

  8. i have no one to leave my stuff to so i try not to accumulate a bunch of junk. one thing i have done in honor of my own memery is to donate money to my favorite nature preserve. they now have a all terrain vehicle to take handicapped and elderly people on its trails. and this vehicle travels to all the parks in the county on given days so we can enjoy what everyone else take for granted!! (the girl who helped me do this is now in my meditation group!) ..also on the walkway going to the prerserve building r stones – brick like – and i have bought a few and left some words of wisdom or encouraging words of peace and joy and also my last husnabds name and his horses and my name and 3 words. none may ever see it or maybe many will find it and remember me – who knows? but that is my living legacy,
    wow eyes too tired to type!! sorry

    • I suppose there are many ways to leave a legacy, but after reading comments here and on Facebook, perhaps living for the moment is the absolute best approach to life. Besides, it’s my ego wanting to be remembered, not my spirit.

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