Fears And Worry

Fears and worry for me is a pendulum between two emotional evils. I worry because I fear death, illness, poverty, loneliness, loss, sadness, pain etc.. I fear because I cannot escape the worry.

Common sense tells me that worries about tomorrow are pointless, but fear doesn’t understand time and is not connected to my common sense. If I am to be honest with myself, only a tiny percentage of my fears actually come true and even then they are nothing as bad as I envisioned them. However, my worries quickly interject with a limitless list of possible doomsday scenarios and then, of course, my fears jump on the bandwagon and the pendulum starts swinging once more.

When I envision a life of happiness and productivity, I soon realize how out of reach that can be, not because I am unable to reach that goal due to the of lack of ability, but because of the crippling result of fears and worry.

I will continue to battle my nasty little demons because life should feel worth the effort and since I’ve come this far playing my cat and mouse game somebody has to win. . . and it’s not going to be the other guy!

Flying By

The sky around my town is always changing. It’s not from nature, although the occasional rain shower is a welcome sight, the oddities come from jets. There seems to be no rhyme or reason for the erratic flight paths that can be seen from the jet trails they leave behind. One day they fly in from the west, the next day they fly in from the north or east or south or any combination of the four. Sometimes I have to ask myself if they are really jets. After all, I live only 100 miles or so from the infamous area 51.

The trails in this picture from yesterday were exceptionally strange, my guess is the display was military passing over because the four evenly spaced trails abruptly ended. (left side of the palm trees) I watched the sky for an extended period of time, thinking maybe the planes were getting too far away to see the trails in the distance, but another jet followed behind them and it’s trail did not disappear.

 I hear people talk of government conspiracy theories about slowly poisoning us with chemicals sprayed out over major cities…I don’t believe that! What I see in the sky is a crazy display of too many airplanes flying at the same time. Unless, these trails were not from four different jets, but one really gigantic one and I’ve been abducted by aliens and have yet to realize I am not actually writing this blog entry

Don’t Eat Me!

Ever have one of those days when it feels like you spend most of it trying to convince people to do things a different way?

Take this little worm in the comic for example, he’s smart enough to know if he uses the right words he can convince the catfish to not eat him, but is the catfish really paying attention? Probably not, all it knows is the worm is smaller and would make a tasty meal. GULP

There you have it. . .most of the time people don’t pay attention to ideas that stray away from their own. Some days are worse than others when no amount of convincing will be enough to prevent us from being swallowed. All we can do is take comfort in knowing that eventually a bigger fish will swim by and eat them!

Or we can take full ownership of our ideas and not expect others to validate them. Of course, the best plan of action is finding a way to prevent ourselves from being wrapped around the hook in the first place. The moral of this story?  Don’t dress like a tasty meal!


When you are sleep deprived the entire world will take on a distorted, desaturated look. The sky isn’t blue anymore, it’s just bright and is a reminder you are awake . . . still.

The night is a welcome friend until you realize it is passing too quickly as you lay there in suspended animation, wondering if your eyes have forever lost their ability to remain shut. The morning arrives and you fill your veins with caffeine to stay awake for the day ahead with plans to force every last bit of energy out of your body.

It is all in vain because the demons of thought require no sleep and grow more powerful as the body weakens. Your mind, body, and soul are three different entities fighting for the same physical real estate. In the end your whole damn body is going to be foreclosed upon!


Anita was my very best and first real friend after we moved to Las Vegas from Maryland. She was the shy Japanese girl sitting alone at the bus stop and I was the shy closeted gay boy afraid of everyone at the bus stop!  A perfect match in high school hell if you ask me.

This letter was months into our friendship and obviously she was none to happy about my girlfriend, Barbi. Everybody had a nick name, Nit Nit was Anita and I was P.T. (prick tease) and I haven’t a clue who the anonymous ghost writer on this letter was.


Balloon Fight!

-Seize The Moment-

Doris and Barbara always found ways to keep me entertained behind the camera lens. This set of photos was taken during one of my Aunt Doris’s Vegas vacations.

I had been taking pictures all afternoon and dressing the girls up in wings and wigs when Barbara decided to whack her sister with a pair of red balloons. After a moment of pause, Doris burst into laughter and the balloon fight ensued.

Picture taken on October 15, 2006

——————————————————————————– Live for the moment

The Shed

The shed sits there, filled to the brim with garden stuff…dirty, rusted, bent, metal tools designed specifically to rip nature apart.  The windows are frosted with decades of oily dirt and blocked by handmade shelves falling dangerously to the left.  Containers of pesticides, dried out paint and gasoline decay in perfect harmony.

The groundskeeper has not been here in ages, only the insects and rodents have access now.  One day the shed will split open when the shelves finally fall against the weakened corner and only then will the truth be discovered.  Mr. Greene stored much more than his garden supplies in the metal box behind the lawn mower.

Mrs. Greene’s first-born child will no longer be missing.

Doris Delmonico

Doris May Delmonico April 8, 1924 – September 2, 2011

I loved you Auntie Doris. I miss you so much and will carry you with me in my heart for the rest of my days. We enjoyed a friendship so special and unique.  Thank you for sharing your knowledge, humor and love.