What Good Is It?

I am starting to sound like a scratched CD. My thoughts are caught between two lines of my ‘Lost In Life’ song and I cannot break through to the chorus. One day I am energized with possibilities and the next day I am lethargic about the future. Eventually, I will insert a new CD into my brain and dance away the blues. But, today is not the day. . .


What Good Is It? — 21 Comments

  1. I believe I could see the sadness in your eyes Steven. It takes a lot of courage and sweet humanity to be vulnerable with the world. Your question and the look on your face and eyes touched me and also made me feel less isolated in my own internal battles. Tears are running down my cheeks right now as I’m just tired of everything and very sad today but also out of gratitude for you and your willingness to share so genuinely. Gosh you’re a beautiful human being. Thank you. You aren’t alone. You are loved.

    • Life is full of emotion isn’t is it? You have certainly been through more than your fair share this year, Elizabeth. I often wonder how you are coping with all the medical news about your partner. I read your facebook posts and have a feeling there is much more worry and sadness going on behind the scenes than others realize. I wish there was something I could say to help ease your pain, but there are some parts of life that render us speechless.

      Thank you for watching my video. The sadness you see in my eyes is more emotional frustration than anything. I’m in a very happy relationship, live in a house I enjoy, have friends whom I love, pets who I adore. . .but I don’t feel professionally successful. Plus, I have not been exercising and eating right, so my body is not feeling it’s best and that, I believe, is making me feel extra frustrated and down.

  2. For one thing you are expressing what so many of us feel but don’t have the skill, equipment, or the balls, to say out to the world. And you do it so well. Just a few sentences and you have brought the feelings out where we can nod in total agreement, and not feel so alone.

    Another thing is when you, or you and Wylde make us laugh. You guys can be a serious hoot. And that’s not nothing!

    I don’t believe you hear from a lot of people who read you, and that’s a damn shame, but, there’s us. Ya know?

    I know for a fact that we all experience slumps in our energies. But after a break they come back all clear and ready to go again.

    • Thanks Joella, I have always been one to share my thoughts and feelings, no matter the emotion behind them. What is the point in keeping them bottled up inside?…all that does is make matters worse, at least for me anyway.

      You are absolutely right about energy returning after a break, especially with creative energy. There have been times in my life when years passed without me doing one thing creative. . .then BAM it hit me and I couldn’t stop creating. Right now I am struggling a bit, but in time I will bounce back.

      Thank you for watching and reading the stuff we post online. . .without those like you, it truly would be pointless.

  3. You are not by yourself Steve
    I have been feeling that way too. the full moon will be here in a few days & I always feel worst then. Maybe it is something in the air because I have to really push myself to do anything these days & I do things & say “why”? No one really gives a crap..BUT I know I have friends & family that do care. Maybe as we get older we start wondering what are we really here for. I understand what you are saying..really I do. Wish I could tell you what to do bout the feeling. If you figure it out will you let me know.
    Maybe people need to chat in person so if we need a hug we can give or get one.
    You Blog page is awesome.
    BIG HUGS for you Irene

    • Thanks for stopping by the blog, Irene. In truth, it actually helps to know others are feeling the same thing as me. It justify the emotion because it no longer feels specific to us individually and that removes some of the confusion that comes with feeling lost.

      I am glad you sent your phone number and I will call soon. . .then we can chat about why we post on the internet and maybe help each other find a purpose. 🙂

  4. Steve,
    I think you are helping, me, anyway (with your vlog posts). Helps me to know that there are other human beings who don’t live perfect lives. I have no motivation, either. Life seems too gloomy and imperfect to go on, sometimes. It is these little things, like your vlogs, that help me to go on.

    • The fact that you get on here & say how you really feel is something I wish I could do in a video. I felt so low the other day I had to take a pill to sleep. The fact is all I wanted to do was sleep. It just ticks me off that I feel like this. Each night I think..Oh I am going to do this & that tomorrow. Then the morning comes & I can not seem to get out of bed. I think why? Why get up? Once I get up I have to push myself to do things. So maybe you getting on here is helping me too. I think I really need to be around people in person. Spending most of my days alone can not be good. I will go on Wed to take a class to help in the schools around here. I did get a new camera Camera Canon EOS kit. Wish we lived closer. You could teach me how to get beautiful photos like you get. You ever want to just talk I will pm my # to you on FB OK
      BIG HUGS for you Thank you for being here for me too

      • You and I have much in common, Irene. Because I am not working, I too spend much time alone and that can really change our perspective about reality. Perhaps our lack of motivation comes from our lack of stimulation? Now that you have a new camera, perhaps we can both challenge each other to get out during the day and take pictures. Maybe something like. . . we pick a topic for each other to photograph, then compare and share the results on Facebook or even YouTube. I think it would be fun and most importantly, it might help us keep our inspiration flowing.

    • Good, if my blog helps you then it helps me too,Stefan. There is comfort in knowing we are not alone in our thoughts and feelings. Sometimes, all we can do to help each other is to understand each other.

  5. We all have our own struggles,I can relate to your mood. I do enjoy your funny, quirky, videos, they make me laugh, and lift my spirts.They do matter, as do you ! Thanks Steven

    • Thanks Patty. I enjoy the silly videos too, but the problem lately is I have run out of ideas. Maybe a vacation to the tropics, a suntan and lot’s of colorful drinks with umbrellas would solve all my problems?. . .*thinking*. . .You know what? The solution might very well be that simple!! 🙂

  6. Oh man, I hate that you’re still down. It sucks to live like that. I wish you didn’t have to and hope that you find a solution. For me, vlogging is for myself but also to forge communication with a few special people. I’ve been away for a bit but will be back soon. I’m almost ready now. I do know this – that becoming online friends with a lot of people made a massive difference in my life this last couple of months. Really.
    I hope you find a connection or a something either in your online life or your in person life; something that makes you look forward to getting up. I have a suggestion, but perhaps its presumptuous.
    Regardless, know that I care. About and for you. For you, not because of your art or anything but just you for who you appear to be. Hugs, Liz

    • I’m not so much down as I am frustrated. Perhaps, I will make a new video to help clarify my feelings so my friends will understand that I actually am not depressed. I don’t want anyone to worry for no reason. 🙂

      The past year was rough in many ways for many of us. I can relate to your recent loss, Liz. I lost my beloved aunt Doris back in September and lost my dear life long friend, Lori, a few months before that. Plus, Wylde lost his beloved aunt in between my two losses. All that sadness eventually takes a toll on our emotions. Perhaps that was the spark that ignited my current state of frustration.

      I will agree that my online friends have enhanced my life. . .it’s not until I start to question their importance that I realize how just how important they are. Over the years, I have made many friendships through YouTube and other social venues that have remained a comforting constant in my everyday life. For that I am thankful.

  7. <<<<whats with the shoes? there is an area in my town that has hanging shoes….I have always wondered if its some secret society ……..

    Steven you seem to wander around in my head and speak what is going on….thank you for putting words into the chaos which surrounds my brain…..keep videoing and putting order into the chaos which seems to be in many souls at this moment in time…

    love ya….

    • The shoes were photographed while on our walk the other day. They were tied together and flung over telephone/power lines high into the air. Most likely kids just messing around.

      I like wondering around in your head. . . it keeps me busy. lol

  8. steven, i think maybe a little professional counseling to get u on your way may be in order. sorry to say but when i first met u u were so much fun and interesting and itelligent. now (remember i love u) u r a winey boring person. i think it is probably a midlife crisis thing. please be assured i do care about u and want nothing more than happiness for u and wylde. i see u posted and get excited to see what u have to share today and then i see this depressed man – day after day. your blog may not entertain u anymore but i love it and look forward to it all the time! u have been so creative with this and smart and intelligent and even opinionated – hey it’s your blog! exersice helps me so much – i urge u to go as often as u can esp with your friend!! jog in place while washing dishes – it’s funny! u know what is really fun – the washing machine! start by hanging on and getting a rithym going then go with it!! u make me laugh – please keep trying!! love u!!!

    • Well, Sue. . .I’m on a whiny and boring journey at this point in my life and plan to stay on it for a while. I’ll tell you what, when I’m ready to dazzle people with my wit and charm again, I will send you a message.

      You might be right about the mid-life crisis though. However, I need to make it clear that I am not depressed. I am merely at a cross road in my life and am trying to choose which direction I should be traveling. My thoughts and ideas change everyday. . .it’s how I navigate my world. Perhaps, because I share them through video and this blog, it confuses people.

      I am happy that you enjoy my blog and engage yourself in it. It’s people like you that help keep me inspired to continue writing it.

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